Having just blogged about bra shopping with my eldest child, I was reminded of a funny story about her many moons ago [no pun intended] at the library. We blame our kids for many things–gray hair, stretch marks etc… I decided to take it one step further one sunny day at the local library. It is next to impossible to keep children quiet at the library. Especially when they are of a certain age. My daughter was pretty good at obeying the rules. She was born this way–definitely a rules girl. We looked at board books and checked out some picture books for her and afterwards I wanted to sneak in a few moments to check out some more grown-up books. I was almost finished and then I leaned over to grab one last book and oops, some gas passed. You know what I mean, right? I let one slip, stepped on a frog, beeped my horn, cut the cheese, said hello to Puff, The Magic Dragon–I think you get the point. I’m fairly quick on my feet so I said to my daughter “Excuse you, sweetie”. She said “No mommy, you tooted”. Try arguing with a 2 year old. It doesn’t work. After going back and forth a couple of times, I finally let it go and did the walk of shame all the way to the check out stand.
Children should be seen and not heard? May 22, 2008
Why is it that I attract the crazy people? Since I can remember people have opened up to me about their troubles, worries, relationship issues and random health ailments. You name it, I’ve heard about it. There are some times when I go out and although I’m not looking for trouble, trouble comes looking for me. I was at the grocery store [with all three kids], minding my own business. I stop the cart between the dairy section and the frozen garlic bread section. I did this so I could grab the eggs without pushing the cart the extra 10 or so that I had to go. I know it sounds lazy but this is the choice I made. The closer I came to the eggs the louder my son spoke [yelled]. It wasn’t a bad yell, it was more like an excited exclamation that I am his mommy and he is proud. He was simply saying the word “mommy” repeatedly with a smile on his face and a song in his heart [smiles]. It didn’t last for more than 20-30 seconds and I was back to the cart. As I approached the cart I noticed a lady draw closer to me and my 3 children. I wrongly assumed that she was going to go on about how precious my little angels were and reassure me that the hard work was worth it. Boy, was I wrong. She leaned in closer towards my son and put her pointer finger up to her mouth, puckered her lips and let out the biggest “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I had ever heard. Once again I assumed that she was joking with him or trying to be cute. Well, I’m not one to leave well enough alone, so I politely ask her “Were you just telling my son to be quiet”? She looked at me with the most serious face and said loudly “Yes! Children should be seen and not heard!” In my head I’m thinking–oh, no she didn’t!!!! Knowing full well she did…I looked at her with, I am mother hear me roar conviction, and said–”Don’t you tell my son what to do. He is having fun saying ‘mommy’ and he can talk as much as he wants, as loud as he wants, whenever and wherever he wants!” She didn’t like that one little bit. As we walked away with the speed of a snail I egged my son on to keep saying “mommy” in his previously excited tone. He was quite young at the time and conveniently played along. I know this enraged her, but I felt justified, having just been confronted by her. She proceeded to stalk us through the grocery store and just when I’d thought we escaped her evil stare–she walked past us at the check out stand. She started to get in line behind me and I said in my best loud mommy voice “walk away sister, walk away”. She got in line right next to me and started in on me AGAIN. Would this woman ever stop? Would she keep at it until I had removed every item from my cart, slid my debit card and punched in my secret password? Why can’t I find peace at the grocery store. I guess I had forgotten to put it on my list. As she began to speak to me again, it was all I could do to not physically hurt her [I don't normally consider myself a very violent person]. She said “my grandchildren would never act like that in public, they know their place” I quickly retorted, “Wow, sounds like you’re a barrel of laughs”. It was then my turn to check out and we luckily had several hundred packs of gum, candy, magazines and other impulse shopping temptations between us so that I didn’t have to endure anymore badgering. After checking out and getting to my car, I tried to find my happy place. I’m thinking maybe this lady should rethink her theory—I think grandma’s who shush little kids in public places for being happy about their mommies–should be seen and not heard!!
I’ll never eat sausage again May 13, 2008
A great way to meet other moms is to join a mom’s club in your area. They provide a variety of scheduled events for preschool aged kids. They also [usually] throw in the occasional mom’s night out which, after wiping bottoms and noses all day, is a refreshing way to spend an evening. As a bonus you get adult conversation AND you get to chew every bite of food, instead of swallowing it whole. The field trips are fun too. We have gone to the zoo, story time at the library and the most memorable outing had to be the Owens Sausage Farm. We had a delightful tour of the grounds. We visited many adorable farm animals aptly named things like Bessie, Thelma and Billy Bob. We were nearing the end of our tour and the guide directed us to nearby benches. She told us that she would be bringing out a surprise guest for us shortly. We all lined up against the side of the barn anxiously awaiting our surprise and out she walks with the biggest horse I have ever seen. It was a Clydesdale horse, just like the ones you see in the beer commercials. It was a beautiful creature and I’d like to tell you what she said about said creature. However, my memory is a blur due to PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder] from what my daughter mistook as an opportunity for an anatomy lesson. As the lady spoke about all the features of the horse, she overlooked the most glaringly obvious. Well, on a horse this size, frankly it was hard to miss. My daughter being her usual inquisitive self shouts, “Mom what’s that thing on the horse and why is it growing?” Given her age [and my fragile state of mind] I said the first thing that came to mind. “Honey, he’s just happy to see us” Needless to say, I’ll never eat sausage again.
Clean up on aisle 3 May 10, 2008
Nobody ever said raising kids was easy and if they did, they’d be wrong. It is definitely a daily adventure. I have taken on many occupations since becoming a mother–short order cook, professional laundry cleaner, master gardener, certified professional volunteer, medical doctor [assessing everything from ringworm to head lice], teacher of all subjects [including the birds and the bees], chauffeur, seamstress, handyman(woman) and last but certainly not least, diversity training expert.
On an ordinary day in my extraordinary life, while shopping with my toddler daughter, she decides to learn one of life’s great lessons. It started out like any other visit to a store…Mommy can I buy a toy? Mommy are you almost done? Mommy, how long are we going to be here? Mommy, I think I have to tinkle!!! I have learned to shop with precision–get in, get out. My daughter saw another little person like herself. She pointed, smiled and then loudly proclaimed, “MOMMY, I WANT A TAN JUST LIKE THAT LITTLE BOY! Why is he brown? MOMMY, I WANT A TAN TOO!!!!!” I didn’t know whether to laugh or crawl in a hole. It was embarrassing, but understandable [at least for her age]. The little boy’s mother laughed and reassured me with her smile. I simply explained to her that we are all gifts from God and He chose to wrap us all in different wrapping paper. Of course that led to, “why isn’t mine purple, mommy? I want purple wrapping paper.” Well, it was worth a shot.
