Golf. What a lovely sport. You can walk or ride a miniature cart around rolling hills of grass, holes filled with sand and small bodies of water. You get exercise, sunshine and competitive juices flowing. I grew up watching my father play. He let me drive the cart–which was a complete thrill for a kid without a license to drive. I didn’t mind the long hours in the fresh air and the wind blowing against my face as I zoomed from ball to ball and hole to hole. I don’t exactly know all the rules of golf. I definitely don’t know why and when you use each particular kind of club. There is evidently an art to it. I would always hear my dad talk about himself and his handicap. It wasn’t until years later I realized he was referring to his golf score/game. No wonder there was never a blue tag hanging from his rear view mirror. I find all the terminology interesting and have often wondered where it originated. Thanks to the advancement of the internet and a newly formed verb–I googled “Golf Terminology” and kudos to the internet for coming back to me with 187,000 hits. Here is what I have found alphabetically speaking…
An amateur is someone who plays without compensation. Thanks for including that one. I’m not sure I would have figured that one out!
An apron is the grassy area around the putting surface. Really? I thought it was that thing my grandma wore to keep the grease from the Fry Daddy off her new blouse.
A caddy is someone who carries your clubs for you. Not to be confused with “catty” –someone who is mean, nasty, malevolent, malicious or spiteful.
Chili Dip is when you hit the ground before hitting the ball. Not what mom prepares for Super Bowl Sunday.
A Fried Egg is a ball that is half buried in the sand. Not just Grandpa’s favorite breakfast.
Jail is a word that is stated when you are faced with a difficult shot. Not just a place they put you when you are baaad!
Mulligan is a golfers “do-over”. Don’t we wish we had those in the real world!
The 19th Hole is the clubhouse. Where all the “hackers” [a.k.a.-unskilled golfers] go to brag.
Quitting on the ball is not hitting the ball with complete effort. Yeah, and nobody likes a quitter, do they?
Sandbagger is someone who lies about his ability to gain an edge in the game. Sounds like dating to me.
A slump is a prolonged period of bad play. We’ve all been there in life and sports. Everyone say it with me “MULLIGAN”!!!!
Texas wedge is what you call the putter when it is used off the green. Not particularly funny…I’m just from Texas-so any chance I get to mention the word Texas I will, because I’m a TEXAN!!!
To whiff, is to swing and miss the ball completely. Not like when you turn to someone and say, “Hey, did you get a whiff at that?” or “Take a whiff of this”. We’ve all completely missed something at one time or another, whether we want to admit it or not. Like the time I asked a lady when she was due and she wasn’t pregnant. She swings…and she misses [completely].
A Wormburner is a ball hit with adequate distance that hugs the ground. I don’t know why I love this word, I just do.
And last but certainly not least…A zoomie is a drive that goes further than most drives ever hit by the golfer who smacked it. I’m not sure who made this one up, but I’m thinking they had to be like 2 or 3 years old. Picture it…a man and his toddler son out on the course. Dad hits ball, son says “daddy go zoomie” and all the sudden the man equates that with greatness–of course.
I’m sure some of you are wondering what all this means for you, the average person, who doesn’t play golf. I challenge you to use these golf terms in your everyday life. Shock those around you with your amazing word skills and be the trend starter you know you were meant to be. Need some help? Here goes…
Say this to your wife the next time you catch her doing the dishes: “Honey, your washing those dishes like an amateur. Why don’t you throw on your apron and recruit one of the kids to be your caddy. And when you’re done I’ll fix you some chili dip or possibly a fried egg“
And if you do say this to your wife…before you know it you’ll be crying “mulligan” and begging for your life in jail. And once again your son [or daughter] will shout—”daddy go zoomie” while your wife treats you like the wormburner you are! Get a whiff of that!
